A Few Good Men

Character counts. Godly character really counts.

 I will never forget what Wintley Phipps once told me, “Cheryl, if a man is not committed to God, he will not be committed to you.”

I am confident that there are men today who are committed to being men of standard. I reflected on this while hearing a message from Pastor John K. Jenkins on A Few Good Men.  He mentioned that men are not perfect and that all have flaws, but there is still a remnant seeking to be all God wants them to be.

My mind immediately went to my father, Rev. Elihue Martin. Each year I have a greater appreciation of what he represents. Maybe I think of him more because of his failing health the past few years. I realize I did not appreciate him as much as I should when I was growing up. I thought most men were like him. Now I know him to be a rare breed.

Elihue Martin only completed the sixth grade. He served in World War II and later went to a trade school and picked up the skills to be a barber. I passed his shop every day as I walked to elementary school. He cut hair by day and rushed home in the evenings to attend church services.

All of my life, I have only known him to be a man of godly integrity. It was not unusual for me to see him reading his Bible,  on his knees praying, or lying prostrate before God late at night. He consistenly led family devotions six mornings a week. We had Sunday school at home before we went to Sunday school. He never lied to us. He said “a man’s word is his bond.” I never heard him use profanity. Never a hint of adultery or flirtation with another woman. He taught my 7 brothers and me a strong work ethic. No one was allowed to sleep late. We had to respect his rules. He taught us to respect authority. He and mother never cared how others ran their houses. They were committed to obeying God no matter what, not winning a popularity contest.  My Dad preached against credit before we got our first credit cards. He always taught living below your means. Forget about keeping up with the Joneses. He was consumed with keeping up with God’s commandments.

My father isn’t perfect but I know in my heart he has done his absolute best to please God. In just a few months, he will turn 90. Yes, there remains a few good men.

Expecting great things of God,

Cheryl

The “Precious” in Me

There has been much buzz about the new movie “Precious.”  I have read many of  the reviews and watched interviews with the stars.  I know that the story line unearths hidden places of the heart.   While I don’t plan to see the movie, I can relate to the title character in my own way. By God’s grace, I know nothing of sexual or verbal abuse, but I do know something about low self-esteem and retreating to a fantasy world, as “Precious” did to mask the emotional pain.

Growing up as the only girl among 7 brothers, I struggled with low self-esteem. While I was an achiever in school, I desperately wanted to be admired for  beauty not my brains.  That never happened.   Why couldn’t I look like my mother,  I asked God. Why did no guys ask me out?”   I fantasized often about a loving relationship with the guy of my dreams. I shared my frustration and desire with no one but God. At least I had a relationship with  Him, so I poured my heart out to Him often.  After all, He made me.  And He never makes mistakes.  I could share with Him my secrets and He would tell no one.

Over time, God whispered to me and reminded me, that I defined his definition of “beauty,” and that I was “fearfully and wonderfully made.”  My personality, my looks, the entire package would never preclude me from receiving God’s best. It was my job to maximize all He had given me and leave the rest to Him.

So many times we never become all God deemed us to be because we focus on our “inadequacy.”  God says, in Me, you have All that you need to accomplish your purposes. Join your life with me, learn of  Me, and you be a whole person, inside and out.

I wish Precious had been introduced to Jesus as a child like I had. It would have made all the difference in her life.  My deep, abiding faith in Him has defined me ALL my life.  I wake up every day thankful that I am a fully loved woman. Not because I have a man in my life, but because I am in deep, covenant relationship with the God of the Universe. He loved me so much that He gave me His best, His Son Jesus Christ. Because I spend quality time basking in that relationship, my thirst for significance has been quenched. I am a whole woman, free to give, not merely waiting to receive.

Expecting great things of God,

Cheryl

 

 

An Unexpected Fall

Saturday, I fell. Literally…in public view on a main street in my neighborhood. I was walking a  familiar route. I’m not sure what happened, except maybe my right foot hit a crack in the sidewalk and I went tumbling face down. I instinctively put my left palm to the ground to protect my face from touching the concrete. It worked, but the fall ripped skin from my palm. Painful. And my right knee had some scratches.

One kind lady in a passing car stopped and asked if I were okay as I attempted to regain my bearings. I said, “yes,” thanked her and kept walking, but more slowly and deliberately.

My hand continues to heal, but I’ve been thinking about that fall. It happened suddenly and without warning. Isn’t that how it usually happens? Mishaps and embarrassing situations happen in life without warning. We’re upright and the next thing, we are down.  Some get up to start over; some don’t.

The next time I went walking, I was deliberately more careful with every step. I didn’t want to fall again. The Bible says, “Be careful how you walk. Watch your life and doctrine closely.”  I’m reminded that it doesn’t say spend time watching how other folks walk, but fully concentrate on how I’m living, walking, and talking. I’m finding that’s a full time job to make sure I don’t fall “spiritually.”

A Reason to Celebrate

Labor Day Weekend 2009 is one I will always remember. It was a rare instance for my seven brothers and five sister-in-laws to be together. The occasion? The 40th wedding anniversary of my brother Donald and his wife Linda. Donald is my second oldest brother, but the first to get married. He and his two children planned the event for more than a year. It was a surprise for Linda. We all received the “save the date” cards way in advance, so there was no excuse not to be there. All the hard work and planning paid off.

Linda thought she was at the boutique hotel to take official family photos and  have an anniversary dinner with my brother. She was shocked when she opened the door, saw the spiral staircase draped with the wedding party, the robed minister (my oldest brother) standing at the podium, and 100 guests looking on. She cried loud enough for all to hear.

It was so moving to hear them renew their vows followed by my brother’s written declaration to his wife. I still remember this line: “Linda, you are still the most beautiful woman to me.” I knew my brother meant it because he’s not the verbal type when it comes to expressing his emotion. His wife was in tears. Isn’t that what most women yearn to hear years into the marriage, after children, grandchildren, and a few extra pounds? He spoke of her being a godly woman, a praying woman, a great mother to their two children and grandchildren.  When it was Linda’s turn, she said “I don’t have prepared remarks, since I didn’t know about this,” but she spoke from her heart about what a great husband Donald has been and that she has never lacked for anything. She spoke of his godliness. Then the children blessed their parents, speaking of their impact in their lives.

While wathching the ceremony, I couldn’t help but think, this is REAL LOVE, Love that goes the distance, no matter what. Love that is not based on feelings, but rooted in faith.

This celebration was much more elaborate than the first. This is how it should be. They have a reason to celebrate. Their love is lasting.

Be Kind to You

Once I asked a friend to do a favor for me while I was away. She agreed. A couple of days later she left me a distressed voicemail message. She apologized profusely for “botching” up the request. That didn’t bother me, but what she said about herself did.  She repeatedly put herself down for not doing what she had promised.   I was so disturbed by how she described herself.  Her mistake was a “minor” one in my opinion. And even if it were “major,”  it did not justify her  description of herself.

I called her back and told her it was okay. We all make mistakes, and that I had made a similar one recently. I also told her not to be so hard on herself.

So many times we are more courteous and forgiving of others, then we are of ourselves. Putting ourselves down when we “mess” up could be a reflection of pride because we think we are above making simple mistakes. We are all fallible.

Be kind and forgiving to yourself when you fail.  All humans fail. Only God never fails.

Fleeting Beauty

Last Tuesday, I got an early morning shock. When I glanced in the bathroom mirror, my left eye looked like I’d been in a fight with Mike Tyson and he won! What was going on? I couldn’t believe it. When I went to bed, my eye was fine. A few hours later, it was half open and I was severely swollen from below my eyebrow to below the eye. For a quick moment, I was scared. Was this permanent? What caused it?   So many thoughts ran through my mind in a matter of seconds such as, I don’t control anything. Life is uncertain. Something can happen in a matter or seconds to totally change the course of your life. All is fleeting. 

I also thought about the price we put on outward beauty. Women can be obsessed about how to stop the aging process. Our identity and self worth can be based on our looks. I thought of what Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceitful and beauty does not last, but the woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.”

As I gazed at how disfigured I looked, I wondered how would people respond to me? Would I sense rejection by a quick glance and then a look the other way? I was becoming more self conscious. I thought of all the people who are born with a physical impairment.  How are they treated on a daily basis? How do I respond? With love and acceptance, or do I withdraw? God made them as He made me.  I vowed (with God’s help) to have a greater sensitivity to other people , no matter their stage or station in life.

If we are born beautiful, we had nothing to do with that. If we were born with an impairment, we had nothing to do with that. Everyone can bring glory to God, the Creator of all.

I got an appointment with my ophthalmologist. He diagnosed the problem and gave me two prescriptions. He told me it would take a couple of days for the swelling to dissipate. He was right.

I look like my old self again, but I’ve gained a new perspective on beauty.

Expecting great things of God,

Cheryl

Content with Cancer

Whenever a person is diagnosed with cancer, typically one of the first questions to the doctor is, “What can we do to eradicate the cancer?” The options could be surgery, followed by radiation and chemotherapy. We know the downsides of the treatment plan, but the advantages outweigh them hands down.  We will take extreme measures. We want to live.

I wish we were that motivated to eradicate the cancer that is killing our inner man. We walk around with bitterness, resentment, envy, pride, anger, lust for years. Living with cancer. Content. These cancer cells are looming larger every day we don’t seek treatment. They bombard our thought lives constantly.

When we catch them early, refuse to live that way, and go to the Great Physician for surgery, we can be healed. The cancer doesn’t have to be terminal. Unfortunately, countless thousands choose death rather than life.

Don’t live with cancer of the soul. You can beat it. Make a daily appointment with the Great Physician. Follow His treatment plan. It works.

Expecting great things of God,

Cheryl

Pedestals

I was thinking about pedestals this morning so I decided to look up the definition. It is a “supporting structure.” It’s common to use the phrase, “to put on a pedestal,” which means “to glorify” or “to idealize.”

It’s dangerous to put people on a ”pedestal.” Why? They can’t stay on it. After I experienced betrayal in a relationship years ago, I decided it was time to take every person I admired off the pedestal. That included my seven brothers, ministers I respected, all of them. Why?  All flesh is weak. Apart from God’s grace in our lives, we are all capable of doing the “unthinkable.”

Another reason for taking everybody off the pedestal? It’s a bit crowded. There’s only space for one… God.

Always hopeful,

Cheryl

Thirsty?

Are you thirsty? Thirsty for success, significance, sex? The

thirst is legitimate, but we get in trouble when we use

illegitimate tactics or means to quench the thirst. What’s

illegitimate? It may be legal, but if the action displeases God

it’s illegitimate in His eyes. And what He sees and says…counts.

So how do we quench our thirsts…fulfill those longings and

desires that at times seem uncontrollable? We drink of Him,

Christ. He said, “If you drink of me, you will never thirst again!”

Folks are looking for a drug that will do that. A sexual

experience that will do that. Enough money to fulfill every

fantasy. This thirst quencher is FREE! All one has to do is

come with an empty cup (you can’t fill something that’s

already full) and say, Jesus, I need you. I want you. You have

what I need. If you can quench my thirst, I’m willing to try

you. Here’s my life. Fill me with you.”

It’s not just a one time filling, though, just like we don’t eat one

meal and say that’s it, I don’t need to eat any more. No, we eat

several meals a day, not to mention the snacking. Some of us

drink  multiple cups of coffee a day.

This is a continual refilling of our cup…of His flavor.

I love doing this in the early morning. Starting my day,

offering my cup to Him, emptying myself of myself,

 acknowledging His Lordship, His rule in my life, and in the

 Universe. I take my mind off of me and place it on Him…

His sovereignty, His greatness, His awesomeness. My

problems seem small when I do this. I meditate on His

 Words before I hear other’s words.

I need to get His perspective on life before I read the day’s

latest news. I plug into His agenda for my life. I find that when

I feast on Him, eat His words, drink of His unfailing love, and

take in as much as I can…I am FULL.

What difference does this make? A lot. If I am full of Him

and satisfied by Him, it makes it easy to say “No” to illicit

lovers, quick thrills, quick schemes, prideful thoughts,

depression. I’m full. I’m satisfied. I’m not needy. I don’t leave

the house looking for love in all the wrong places. I’m full of

 love…pure love. I’m full of joy. I’m full of contentment.

This offer of getting your thirst quenched is available to

anyone.

I thought about it this way this morning. Remember when you

were a kid and sports groups were forming and the captains of

the teams were choosing players. Maybe you weren’t a very

good athlete and you’re standing there hoping and praying that

somebody would pick you? Everybody knows you aren’t

very good. All you want is not to be left there standing alone.

Picture this scenario…Jesus walks on the scene and says,

I pick you (and He points to you!). In fact, He picks you, not

last, but first. You can’t believe it. Everybody around you know

you blew the last game! Jesus knows that too. But that doesn’t

matter. He specializes in choosing the broken, the downcast,

the depressed, the drugged out, the sexed out, the bottomed

out and says…I want You on my team. I can resurrect

whatever is dead, restore what is broken, make dreams come

true. Just follow me, drink of me daily…and you will

NEVER thirst again.

Expecting great things of God,

Cheryl

It’s a New Season!

Today is officially the first day of summer. I love this definition

of summer: the period of finest development, perfection, or

beauty previous to any decline.

Are you ready for summer in your life? It can begin

today. It did for me early this morning.

I went to bed somewhat downhearted. Life has not turned out

the way I expected. I wanted fruitfulness in every season.

Instead I got some barrenness.  Unfulfilled expectations can

produce embarassment. Hopelessness.

But my Heavenly Father always knows when I need a dose of

encouragement. It usually comes when I read His love letters,

written in the Bible. I opened it to one of my favorite

passages (I Samuel 1) to read the story again of one my heroes,

Hannah. She was experiencing a long season of physical

 barrenness. She was embarrased because she could not

 produce a child.

I started crying. For the first time I realized…that was my

problem. I had never admitted to God (or to myself) that I was  

embarrassed by my situation…that I did not have the

 opportunities I wanted;  my life was not meeting my

 expectations (there’s that word, again).

I read to see how Hannah handled her barrenness.  She

 acknowledged it to the one person who could do something

 about it. God. She wept and cried out to Him. The passage said

 it was God who had closed her womb. He created the

 postponement, the problem, for His purposes. I had not seen

 my “postponement” of fruitfulness from God…that He was in

those details.

 It’s so easy to give Him credit when life works out

exactly as we’ve planned…but God is also in the details of

delays and disruptions.

Hannah cried out to the Lord and said, “Remember me, your

servant.” She was in essence saying, “Lord, only you can turn

my impossible situation around.”

After reading this passage, I asked the Lord to forgive me for

being embarrassed about being in this place in my life. He

showed me that I was too consumed with what others

thought of me. Eleanor Roosevelt said “no one can make you

feel inferior without your permission.” Then I asked Him to

“Remember me, your servant.” I reaffirmed that I am here to

play the role in His script, not mine. Then I decided that my

praise to God would never be dependent on my

circumstances. He controls them. My life is wonderful

today. Why? God is guiding me along the path He ordained

 and He promises to get me safely through every

valley.

I put my walkman on and went for a walk with praise

music blaring in my ears and  a smile on my face. I went

skipping down the trail singing and saying in between,

 ”Lord I’m going to praise you like I have  10 million dollars

 in the bank. I’m going to praise you with all the exuberance

 I can  muster because you are my life. You have changed my

 perspective. Every day you give me opportunities to be

 fruitful, to be the best I can be, to give an encouraging word

 to someone who is thirsty. It’ s what I do with those

 opportunities.

First I need to encourage myself daily with the  Word that

 wells within me. Then I am empowered to  encourage others.

 That’s fruitfulness. Blooming where you are planted.

 If the garden is suppose to be any bigger than what it is

 today…God will make it grow.

I’m embracing this new season of summer. A load has been

lifted. The SON is shining brightly. I’m in the period of my finest

development, perfection. My beauty has been restored.

I encourage you to do what I did. Acknowledge your pain.

Your embarrassment. Take it to the only Person who can

handle it and change you…God. Cry out to Him  until He speaks.

When He does…praise will flow from the depths of your heart.

You will have His perspective on your season. You will change.

Expecting great things of God,

Cheryl